A Heart to Listen

Great conversations require great listening

Michael Mitton's book 'A Heart to Listen' is a great place to start. (ISBN 978-1841012698)



Mystic Henri Nouwen once said that 'Listening is the highest form of hospitality'

I feel this is true. As Mitton says:
' There is a real pain of not being listened to. We feel there is nobody who understands. People can't understand our 'language' and we are left feeling very much alone.'

He goes on to explain the value of being listened to, for him:
'I find it very difficult to find my own solution without the help of a listener. It is as if I have to journey to a deeper part of myself, and to embark on that journey I need company. In this way, the listening friend is not so much giving me a solution as giving me the companionship I need to venture in and discover the solution for myself.'

When a lover whispers those special, tender words "I love you" to their beloved, I often feel the missing words are "I love you....because you listen to me and you understand me"

The hymn 'Make me a channel of your peace' is based on a 13th Century prayer, attributed to St Francis of Assisi. A verse from this weaves together my desire to understand and be understood with all of one's heart and to love and be loved with all of one's soul:

'O Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand
To be loved, as to love with all my soul.'

Our Western, particularly male, mindset can be one of dropping into 'fix-it' mode, as we listen.
Yet listening is not passive. As St Benedict would say 'to listen with the ear of your heart' is to provide a valuable soul space.

There are simply times when friendship calls simply for a human presence, a listening ear and an understanding heart, so that soul can unburden to soul.

I am finding this desire to simply listen with the 'ear of my heart' happening to me, more and more often. To simply 'be' there, as another shares from their heart. Something magical and mystical takes place. As listener, I feel I am holding a precious treasure. For the duration of the conversation there is nowhere else I need, or choose to be. As Buddhist Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh says: "It is a present moment, wonderful moment"

I always remember that for the person sharing with me, sharing their hopes, dreams and fears is never easy. It can take immense courage and trust to share and put into words things which are close to your heart. The risk of rejection is rife in the air. The listener can help provide a safe space. A place for another's soul to be heard and nurtured.

Mitton says:
'People often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking.'

Listening creates and nurtures relationships. Listening moves us closer. Closer to each other, closer to a peaceful existence, closer to the omnipresent divine spirit.

Don't be afraid to listen to another. Yet tread gently as they may be sharing their soul's deepest yearnings and most heartfelt dreams.
Let's quietly overhear the concerns of the next person you may listen to, speaking in a gentle whisper to you, the listener.

Drawing on the 20th century Irish poet,
W.B. Yeats, from his poem
'He wishes for Cloths of Heaven':

I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams





Tread softly
Take care

David


P.S. Michael Mitton's book can be found here:-
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Heart-Listen-Becoming-Listening-Person/dp/1841012696/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234958725&sr=8-1

Great Conversations

John O'Donohue, Irish poet, writer and philosopher (1956-2008)

His mystic gifts were recognised in the Corporate World where he spoke on various topics of Leadership: The Awakening of Creativity; Without Vision, The Work-Place Works Against Itself; The Gift of Encouragement in Times of Anxiety.


I had the privilege of listening to him at Greenbelt 2007, where he spoke on 'Imagination as the Path of Spirit'.
He held the large audience spellbound, as the weaved his Celtic repertoire through our attentive senses. I loved what he shared about great conversations and friendships:-

"In our contemporary world it’s very hard to find places where you can show your heart.

One of the things in our culture that’s very difficult is to find someone you can talk to. People want a best friend or someone they can talk to.

When was the last time that you had a great conversation with someone? A conversation that sang in your mind for days and weeks afterwards. In real conversation you can be taken to places you never expected. You can overhear things from yourself that you never knew you had in you. And you can absolutely change in a great conversation.

It’s like pure nourishment for yourself. This is one of the beautiful gifts of friendship. And if you have a friend with whom you can have a great conversation with, then you should do that often.

And regardless of where they are you should go to see them, so you can talk to them and be with them. Because I think in that you find new dimensions of your self, that in normal day to day life no one even suspects.

In friendship and in really good conversation you get a chance to make a clearance, in order to allow the other person to emerge as who they are in their otherness. In a safe space, where they won’t be assaulted with either expectations or judgement.

And that’s one of the things friendship should be.

Friendship and love should be safe spaces of clearance and healing and possibility."

Yes, a great conversation with a friend is indeed pure nourishment for the soul.

May you be blessed with a friend
with whom you can have great heartfelt conversations.
May you be able to speak with them often
and know that the time spent with them is like no other

Take care
David

P.S. For those interested in hearing John O'Donohue's talk, it can be bought here:-
http://www.greenbelt.org.uk/shop/talks/speakers/400

Alternatively check out his website:-
http://www.johnodonohue.com/

The Snowdrop

The Snowdrop

by David Wetton

It was the old man who spotted it first. “Look over there” he eagerly cried,
his whole craggy face lighting up with a synchronous flick of the Creator’s switch.

The children gleefully turned and ran towards the place where the old man’s frail finger
was pointing. Almost as soon as they had hit full pelt, they screeched to a halt and
caught their breath as one. The ethereal beauty of the old man’s discovery held them spellbound.

The apple of the old man’s eye stood out proudly as a sign of new hope for creation’s breaking dawn. The wizened old man caught up with the children, pausing only to place his hands on his knees, as he too caught his breath.

“A snowdrop” he declared, with childlike glee to his captive audience. “New life bursting out of the earth, a sign of the approaching Spring.” As he spoke the children’s eyes grew larger and wider, as if trying to drink in the full magnificence of the miracle unfolding in front of them. “A snowdrop is a sign of hope” said the old man with a flourish and he closed his eyes with reverence, so as to emphasise his point.

The old man looked forward with a passion to spotting the first snowdrop of the new year. Yet it wasn’t an accident that he was the first one to spot it. For through his many years of experience he had trained himself to be aware of and spot signs of hope. There are certain enlightened people who ‘know’ how to see signs of hope, even in the midst of life’s hardships. The snowdrop awakened within him a quickening ray of hope, which illuminated his vulnerable persona.

The first majestic snowdrop in the midst of winter, the glimpse of a catkin gracing a willow or the glimmering light of nature’s dawn, all brought a response of sheer delight to the old man’s heart.

There is a certain loveable truth in observing that people who can see hope in a big worldly way, also see it in nature’s smallest things too. Actually, as the old man was fond of saying to the children: “There is a need to see hope in the smallest of things, otherwise one can easily become wrapped up in one’s own difficulties.”

The old man steadies himself. A warming, an awakening in his heart tells him of the hope the snowdrop has brought to him. A hope which now reflects resplendently upon the children’s eager faces stood before him.

The children lean in slightly to catch the old man’s words. Anxious not to let the breeze whisk them out of earshot.

“My dear children, let us remember and keep close to our hearts, the hope of this snowdrop, which God’s creation has graciously set before us today. We are indeed privileged to witness the presence of this tiny snowdrop in our midst. It is a glorious beacon of hope which points the way towards a better world. One bursting at the seams with love, peace and joy.”

He pauses for a moment, a wistful look upon his face, a look of a man anxiously attempting to recollect a truth, an ancient truth which has sustained him throughout his life. Just as it appears as though this treasure has fallen out of his grasp, the old man smiles. He reaches out and tenderly grasps the hands of the two smallest children. A third spontaneously clambers gently upon his knee. The other children move in closer, sensing the eternal wonder of this moment.

“My dear children, our most beautiful gift is free will and the ability to learn, teach and grow. Once we find our purpose for this existence we fly with the beauty & freedom of a butterfly and grace the world with the hope of this snowdrop”

As the old man closes, the children remain silent. All that can be heard is the gentle sobbing of a woman sat nearby on a park bench. Five minutes ago she felt that her life was too painful to endure any longer. The old man’s words and the children’s innocent joy have resuscitated her heart and given her renewed hope and courage for her future.

As her tears flow shamelessly, she looks towards the snowdrop and smiles a hope-filled smile.