A Heart to Listen

Great conversations require great listening

Michael Mitton's book 'A Heart to Listen' is a great place to start. (ISBN 978-1841012698)



Mystic Henri Nouwen once said that 'Listening is the highest form of hospitality'

I feel this is true. As Mitton says:
' There is a real pain of not being listened to. We feel there is nobody who understands. People can't understand our 'language' and we are left feeling very much alone.'

He goes on to explain the value of being listened to, for him:
'I find it very difficult to find my own solution without the help of a listener. It is as if I have to journey to a deeper part of myself, and to embark on that journey I need company. In this way, the listening friend is not so much giving me a solution as giving me the companionship I need to venture in and discover the solution for myself.'

When a lover whispers those special, tender words "I love you" to their beloved, I often feel the missing words are "I love you....because you listen to me and you understand me"

The hymn 'Make me a channel of your peace' is based on a 13th Century prayer, attributed to St Francis of Assisi. A verse from this weaves together my desire to understand and be understood with all of one's heart and to love and be loved with all of one's soul:

'O Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand
To be loved, as to love with all my soul.'

Our Western, particularly male, mindset can be one of dropping into 'fix-it' mode, as we listen.
Yet listening is not passive. As St Benedict would say 'to listen with the ear of your heart' is to provide a valuable soul space.

There are simply times when friendship calls simply for a human presence, a listening ear and an understanding heart, so that soul can unburden to soul.

I am finding this desire to simply listen with the 'ear of my heart' happening to me, more and more often. To simply 'be' there, as another shares from their heart. Something magical and mystical takes place. As listener, I feel I am holding a precious treasure. For the duration of the conversation there is nowhere else I need, or choose to be. As Buddhist Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh says: "It is a present moment, wonderful moment"

I always remember that for the person sharing with me, sharing their hopes, dreams and fears is never easy. It can take immense courage and trust to share and put into words things which are close to your heart. The risk of rejection is rife in the air. The listener can help provide a safe space. A place for another's soul to be heard and nurtured.

Mitton says:
'People often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking.'

Listening creates and nurtures relationships. Listening moves us closer. Closer to each other, closer to a peaceful existence, closer to the omnipresent divine spirit.

Don't be afraid to listen to another. Yet tread gently as they may be sharing their soul's deepest yearnings and most heartfelt dreams.
Let's quietly overhear the concerns of the next person you may listen to, speaking in a gentle whisper to you, the listener.

Drawing on the 20th century Irish poet,
W.B. Yeats, from his poem
'He wishes for Cloths of Heaven':

I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams





Tread softly
Take care

David


P.S. Michael Mitton's book can be found here:-
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Heart-Listen-Becoming-Listening-Person/dp/1841012696/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234958725&sr=8-1